manic tuesday

I had a particularly long weekend and looooong Monday. And I learned a few disturbing things.

1. My husband and I, as a 2-person family, make somewhere between 60 and 70% of the area median income. This means we're poor. Not super poor, but definitely kinda poor. But apparently we're getting a good deal on rent, for our income (though not so much on the utilities. HELLO $2000 in unexpected heating bills, Winter of 2007! HELLO space heater and heated blankets, Winter of 2008!)

2. I am obese. As determined by the standards of 'average.' I maintain that I have bigger, heavier bones than average (runs in the family, seriously) so my target weight is higher than the average person of my height, so technically I might just be overweight. Imagine how disheartening it was to be me as a teenager when my first boyfriend tried to pick me up when he hugged me...and he couldn't, because I looked like I weight about 125 but actually weighed about 140. IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY.

3. I am high maintenance. At least a little bit. Apparently I'm worse when I'm stressed out...which is NOW. Knowledge is half the battle, and I think I've been a little better this week about shutting up and dealing.

4. I am self-absorbed and also a letdown. According to a particular family member (who by the way has reduced me to tears on multiple occassions already this year). He/she wants me to do something that work is preventing me from being available to do. I can't help it. The short notice isn't exactly working in my favor either. This is deserving of a big guilt trip and then stone cold silence, apparently. When people do/say/expect ridiculous things it's easy to brush it off. When it's the people you are forever bound to, come hell or high water, who cast you aside and blame YOU for being the problem, it's a little tougher not to ball up and cry for days.