pope francis on ideology and faith

In a recent homily, Pope Francis said a few things that kind of spoke to me. The whole sermon is really interesting, but this quote grabbed me. 


“The faith passes, so to speak, through a distiller and becomes ideology. And ideology does not beckon [people]. In ideologies there is not Jesus: in his tenderness, his love, his meekness. And ideologies are rigid, always. Of every sign: rigid. And when a Christian becomes a disciple of the ideology, he has lost the faith: he is no longer a disciple of Jesus, he is a disciple of this attitude of thought…"








You can read the rest here.

h/t to zach

regarding amendment 10a

Last night, a majority vote was reached in the PC(USA) for the adoption of Amendment 10A, which removes the definition of marriage as between man and woman and lifted the ordination standard of 'fidelity in marriage and chastity in singleness,' thereby allowing for homosexuals to be ordained as ministers, elders and deacons in the denomination.


I have mixed thoughts on the issue, many of which I will share in the coming days. But in the meantime, and in keeping with the recent trend of posting quotes on Wednesdays, I thought I would share with you this portion of an opinion on the matter shared by Dr. John B. (Mike) Loudon in a webinar hosted by the denomination. I should note that I am a fairly new member of the PC(USA), that the main reason I joined was so that I would be able to serve in voluntary administrative/leadership capacities at the church where my husband serves as Associate Pastor, and while I tend to be more conservative than the average Presbyterian, especially on issues related to sex and morality, I don't consider myself an Evangelical.


Emphasis below is mine. To read Dr. Loudon's full statements, or the text of a full point-counterpoint, click here. You'll find it about halfway down. 






"Most progressives view the issue of gay and lesbian ordination as a justice issue – a civil rights issue. They see it in the context of other social stigmas addressed in scripture. My friend, Jack Rogers, in his book Jesus, the Bible, and Homosexuality writes that most people in the church have changed their minds on subjects such as race, the role of women, and the issue of divorce and remarriage, and therefore they should be able to change their minds on the issue of homosexuality.

"Most conservative evangelicals, on the other hand, some of whom are also very strong advocates of justice and civil rights, cannot get around the biblical texts that address the subject of homosexuality. They view the Bible as God’s divinely inspired word, and therefore believe they are compelled to trust it and live by it.

"The texts about homosexuality are not numerous, but they are of one mind on the subject. 

"So the biblical witness against homosexual practice is of a single voice, it is morally wrong, and this is the reason that evangelicals do not view gay ordination as simply a justice and a civil rights issue. Evangelicals believe that homosexuality differs significantly from matters such as slavery or the subordination of women, concerning which the Bible contains internal tensions and a counter-posed witness. Therefore, deep divisions have arisen over the last few decades between progressives and evangelicals on this issue, and not just in the Presbyterian Church, but in many Christian denominations. We seem to be able to talk through our differences on most social, political, and theological divisions, but not on the subject of gay and lesbian ordination, or gay marriage for that matter.



"The new overture from General Assembly states, 'Standards for ordained service reflect the church’s desire to submit joyfully to the Lordship of Jesus Christ in all aspects of life. The governing body responsible for ordination and/or installation shall examine each candidate’s calling, gifts, preparation, and suitability for the responsibilities of office. The examination shall include, but not be limited to, a determination of the candidate’s ability and commitment to fulfill all requirements as expressed in the constitutional questions for ordination and installation. Governing bodies shall be guided by scripture and the confessions in applying standards to individual candidates.'

"Most of us have no argument with what that says. The amendment is well thought out. Submitting to Jesus Christ brings joy. My liberal and progressive friends have done their homework well. I think it’s the best attempt yet to overturn the Fidelity and Chastity Amendment. But the problem is what this amendment does not say. It does not say, 'Among these standards is the requirement to live either in fidelity within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman, or chastity in singleness.' Therein lies the rub. Those of us who are evangelicals believe that the new amendment removes an important constitutional standard on sexual purity and morality, a standard based on scripture that is extremely important to us, and such action is therefore unacceptable. If that standard is removed, many evangelicals and conservatives may come to the conclusion that the denomination has crossed an important boundary and abandoned moral truth and biblical principles."

overcoming my inner fundamentalist, or, how i made peace with the beatles, pt.2

I've previously shared a glimpse into my experience growing up in a conservative Christian family fully steeped in a fundamentalist church. The thing is, my family, while conservative, probably did not take our mutual faith to the extremes I tended toward. I didn't realize this at the time, though.

I set up for myself a rigidly imposed fundamentalist mindset. I thrived in it. Rules? I am so into rules. Gimme guidelines and I'm happy. The more instruction I can find on something, the better I feel, especially when it came to 'my daily walk' and the guidelines of good and right Christian living. If Pensacola College ever invented a 'right and wrong' game show, I would have been the champion.

It's important to note here that while I was taught that the earth is young, that creation happened in 6 24-hour days, and that acid rain is a myth and science is out to 'get the Christians,' I was NOT taught to judge and condemn the world around me. "In but not of" was big in my home church/school, but so was grace, love for the lost and needing, and a genuine desire to see souls redeemed. Today I look back and am frustrated with the deliberate ignorance of some aspects of my upbringing, but I am so grateful for the many other, typical, things my fundamentalist church didn't teach me.

However. My inability not to assign 'good' or 'evil' labels to everything really screwed me up as I got older. First, it was the Back Street Boys - listening to their music on the way home from school did not, in fact, cause me to go and have sex with my high school boyfriend (much to his dismay). Wearing tops with spaghetti straps did not, in fact, send me on a downward spiral to prostitution. And the Beatles, as it turns out, are kinda weird sometimes, but generally not very evil. At least not the stuff that gets played on KBCO.

But more significantly, the older I got, the more I watched loved ones and trusted advisors make 'bad' choices while calling them 'good.' People I thought were 'good Christians' were living with consumer debt. Women whose faith I'd appreciated were in church leadership. (I was actually kind of afraid, the first time I received communion from a female, a church elder. I was 23 at the time.) Friends of mine, otherwise good Christian friends, had tattoos and said 'damn.' My own family made decisions that seemed contrary to everything I'd been taught, not to mention a Levitical law or two. (Yes. That means I read Leviticus. On my own, for my own edification.)

The resulting quagmire of confusion and conflict grew to the point that I could hardly see beyond my faith questions. It led to my undoing - physically first, and later, spiritually. 

I'm still recovering. 

overcoming my inner fundamentalist, or, how i made peace with the beatles

I grew up in a big Southern city with a good Oldies station. Every Sunday morning, that station had a program called the Beatle Brunch. Perhaps you have heard of it.

When I was in maybe 5th grade or so, I had a good friend who loved the Beatles. (She still does, by the way. She even married a boy who, she says, looks like John Lennon.) We went to the same school and the same church - incidentally, these were the same place. And she would listen to the Beatle Brunch, getting ready for church and then on the way to it.

My family, we did not listen to the Beatle Brunch. At that time, we hardly listened to anything 'secular.' We had our New Life Christian radio station, and my mom's old Maranatha! praise tapes, and Gloria Estefan  pretty much took care of everything else.

Not knowing much (read: anything) about the Beatles but knowing how much my friend enjoyed this particular band, one day I asked my mom if we could listen to the Beatle Brunch on the way to church. What followed was a 'teaching moment' had a profound impact on the following 10+ years of my life.

My mom more or less told me that no, we wouldn't be listening to the Beatle Brunch, that Sunday morning is holy and that we will be listening to praise music exclusively, so that we could prepare our hearts for worship.

(Aside: If you went to my church, you would probably need a moment to 'prepare' yourself, too. There aren't too many charismatic/fundamentalist/evangelical LCMS congregations out there.)

Now don't get me wrong. I am not criticizing my mom's response. Faith is very important to my family, and we 'do church' deliberately. Church, for my family, is Important, and we Take It Seriously as an Expression Of Our Faith. Taking a moment on the drive to church to gear yourself up to experience and participate more fully is, I think, a great idea. I still prefer to have a few minutes of silence to myself before any worship service starts. People today might call it a 'time to connect' or, maybe, a 'time to disconnect' from the 'outside distractions' or something like that. Surely you understand the benefit, whether or not you would choose it for yourself.

My takeaway from that teaching moment, however, was not that we need to center ourselves around a focus on God before we go into a church service. No, I absorbed something entirely different.

I came out of that conversation with a firm conviction that the Beatles are evil. (I didn't realize that, in 1993, the Beatles weren't really around anymore.)

You see, I was a very, very rule-oriented child. I was rigid in my interpretation of right and wrong. I firmly felt that there absolutely was absolute truth (I still feel that way) and that the world could be divided into Good and Bad. There was not much room for grey area with me.

I still even criticize my own handwriting because my cursive lower-case Ys and Gs don't have 'straight backs' - my grandmother once taught me that they're supposed to have straight backs and I have not, to this day, mastered that art.

I tried really hard to be a good Christian, as much as a lost little girl can when her home life was in near-constant turmoil. (YOU try to have a well-balanced adolescence while growing up with a perpetually sick mother and a father who'd moved to another country!) I guess I felt an intrinsic need for structure, for reliability and stability and something steady to be my foundation. (My room, however, was always a mess.)

I really wanted to know God's rules and obey them. (Why yes, I am a firstborn!) To me, the world was black and white, and that's just the way things were. I didn't approach everything with a critical eye - actually, very rarely did I come to my own conclusions about right and wrong. I ate up every ounce of instruction from my teachers and pastors, though. And I applied their teachings, and the Scriptures, with a wide stroke.

That's how I started at "our family will listen only to praise music on Sunday mornings" and arrived at "the Beatles are evil."

Read some further thoughts here. 

Names of God

On and off throughout my Christian life, (which could easily be summed up as my whole life) I have taken passing interests in the names that various Christian cultures bestow upon God. Most of the time, these names were Hebrew in origin and were found in the Bible.

I recently joined my husband's Presbyterian church. The Presbyterian denomination began in Scotland, and as such, there is generally a denomination-wide emphasis on Celtic Christianity, Celtic expressions of worship, Celtic symbolism, etc. And as I have a Celtic history myself, I was particularly struck by an entry in a book I'm reading.

The book is called Moving On by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I've been reading the Simple Abundance daybook by the same author this year, so I thought I'd take a look at this book too. It's about home and approaching how to set it up in a way that is authentic to you and your family. It's a little more ethereal than what I usually read, but practical enough that I don't lose patience. Interesting stuff.

On page 29 of Moving On Ban Breathnach quotes Celtic Devotional: Daily Prayers and Blessings, a book on Celtic spirituality written (or perhaps compiled by?) by Caitlin Matthews. In this entry, Ban Breathnach mentions a few of the "many exquisite and descriptive" Celtic names of God. Check out this list, it's pretty cool:

Source of All Mystery
Gate of Gladness
Mother of Memory
Piercer of Doubt
Kindler of Hope
Keeper of Good Cheer
Ever Present Provider
Compassionate Listener
Guardian of the Hearth
Only Source
Ancient Dream
Glad Giver
Weaver of Wonder
Revelation of Evening
Teller of Tales
Queen of Quietness


A few of these really jumped out at me. First off, I like the acknowledgement of the feminine aspects of God. I grew up with a very masculine understanding of God, and it took me a couple years to get comfortable with the feminine aspects of Divinity and Love. Queen of Quietness especially make me smile a little bit, because it reminds me of my home, where it could be said that I am the queen of quietness.

I also like the notion of God being the Kindler of Hope. Hope is something that has been an important part of my mental and spiritual life. And there have been times when there was nothing I could do to kindle hope except to believe in God's faithfulness.


Funny aside: you'll often see a Celtic cross in the Presbyterian church - it's the one with the regular cross shape, and then a circle where the two lines intersect. There's a prominent one in our chapel. Our children's sermon the other day was discussing the Celtic cross as a symbol of Jesus going up to heaven and out into the world. When the kids were asked what the circle in the center of the cross might represent, one girl said, assuredly, that it's Jesus's head. Kids say the darndest things.


Now it's your turn. Did anything from the list of Celtic names for Divinity jump out at you? Why? If you're not a believer in divinity, what do you make of the different notions expressed?

The “Is that contestant on American Idol a Christian?" Scorecard

So after a busy, but great, Easter weekend, I'm back! I hope y'all had a great one too.

Today, we're in for something a little different. Do you know who Jon Acuff is? If you don't, you should, and if you do, you know I'm talking about the Stuff Christians Like guy. I've been a fan and follower of SCL for...I don't know, 2 years maybe? And as a life-long Christian, I can vouch for Jon and his satire...he is a riot, and he is spot-on. My favorite post of all time is the one on the youth minister uniform. Because it's about 97% accurate about my own husband, a youth minister. I laughed out loud the whole time I first read it. (And yes, it's a guest post not written by Jon, but STILL.)

Now on to today's specialness. One of the things Jon likes to do is put together scorecards on a certain topic, or issue, or question. And they are HILARIOUS. Today, I am hosting one line of the current scorecard, as a part of a massive SCL link-up. Check back to Stuff Christians Like (stuffchristianslike.net) to see the rest of the scorecard, and do the math on YOUR favorite Idol contestant, past or present (if you have one). And if you are so not into AI (like I'm not) then hit up SCL and poke around the archives. If you are a Christian or you know a Christian or you know anything about Christians, you will be amused. And the Serious Wednesday posts are great, too.

So here goes:

The “Is that contestant on American Idol a Christian? Scorecard”

98. Their friends in the crowd write signs with CS Lewis quotes on them, like “Cory, we hope you’re surprised by joy!” = + 3 points

To add up your score with over a 130 other ideas on this scorecard, visit stuffchristianslike.net. I'd love it if you came back here and told me your score!

Company Girl Coffee 2.19.10

 

It's Friday! Time for another Company Girl Coffee. I've got a nice mug of green/white/peach tea (it's REALLY GOOD, I promise) and there's snow on the ground and the dogs are going crazy. A proper Denver morning in February, if you ask me.

Eli says a proper morning begins at 10am, no more of this 5am business.

This has been kind of an interesting week, what with Lent beginning and all. Brian has been ordained for all of 3.5 months and on Tuesday he went and got himself his first collared clergy shirt to wear to the Ash Wednesday service. YOW. I'm still getting used to this Pastor's Wife (PW) thing, but seeing him in the same shirt the 4 (four!) pastors at my home church wore every single day was a little...odd.

I've thought more about Lent this year than I have in years past. Growing up, I went to a Lutheran church that wasn't exactly oppressive, but very steeped in doctrine and kind of strong-willed in a socially conservative way. In other words, there was a definite right and wrong way to live. And one of the right things to do was give up something - something significant - for Lent. You weren't bad if you opted out, but you were very very good if you opted in. The problem was, I don't remember receiving much info on why we were making a sacrifice. I got that Jesus fasted for 40 days (and the guy who actually fasted for Lent became a small-time celebrity of sorts) so we should give up something too, but I didn't learn much beyond that. Lent in my childhood was essentially a competition to see who could 'give up' the best.

It should be no surprise, then, to learn that when I went to college (and started going to a very different kind of church) I never really 'did' Lent. Now, at age 26, I am finally a part of a doctrine-oriented church again, and I have come back to the practice of Lent. I hope to learn more about this part of our spiritual journey - really experience it the way we are intended. If you know of any great reads on Lent, or fasting in general, I would love to hear them in the comments!

We have had an extraordinarily busy week for us, with meetings and activities every night Sunday-Thursday...and then watching the Olympics after that keeps us up even later. (We don't have a DVR.) I am tired; Brian is exhausted.

Tonight, we sleep.

Rory says sleep is for the weak and that she would much rather be chewing on this blanket here. Because that's what is supposed to be going on at 6am on a Friday.

A couple knitting updates:

I realized sometime in the past week that the fun stripey socks I'd begun required more yarn than I had for the project. So...I've finished one of those and I have found some more of the yarn second-hand (it's discontinued). I'm hoping to get that yarn before the end of Feb, so I can finish up this second sock and have some fun new foot-sweaters.

In the meantime, I decided to start a shawl I've had my eye on for many months. It's more or less a triangle shape, knitted in three 'stages' of sorts. I've finished the first stage and I'm in the transition part to the second stage. This is my first real actual lace project with real actual lace-sized yarn. I'm pretty stoked about it. I might be able to finish by the end of the month, but it might take me a little longer than that. We'll see.

Beginning stages of lace. It's much bigger now.

So tell me, what are you up to this weekend?

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all my friends who celebrate!

Please enjoy this view of our supremely crooked tree.

Consistency and Inconsistency

Last Sunday morning we went to the Episcopal church down the street.  That denomination's worship service doesn't seem to have much of an impact on Brian other than his glee that it was half an hour long, and our guest is practically half-Catholic so she seemed naturally comfortable with the service.

For me, though...there's something I love about the Episcopal church - the physical structures, the worship spaces.  There's something about the real sacredness I feel in the sanctuaries.  There's an openness in (most of) these churches that - for me, at least - is warm, inviting, and secure.  I love the sense of holiness and reverence.  I love the emphasis on God, by way of Jesus, instead of "Jesus is my boyfriend" message I get at a lot of churches.  (Jesus and I have issues, you see, and I'm not quite as comfortable with that portion of the Trinity.)  

My early childhood was spent attending an Episcopal church.  Granted, we had folding chairs instead of pews, not much in the way of stained glass, and a 'live band' to accompany the choir instead of an organ.  But those Anglican practices were my first exposure to the faith.  When I was 8 or 9, we moved across town and started going to a Lutheran church.  Similar liturgies and whatnot, but with a much more 'PoMo' approach (that church was pomo way before it was hip to be pomo).  We danced, we skipped around the communion table (aka altar, except not), we waved flags and beat on tambourines.  It was lively, and we spent Sunday mornings Raisin Praises to the Lord Jesus.  When I went to college, I went way outside of the liturgical box, so when I married Brian, I was happy to be marrying back into a denomination.

But the Presbyterian church, for all its merits, is somewhat lacking, for me.  I understand more, yes, and can appreciate why we do things the way we do, but I find it all together too...formulaic.  Practiced.  Premeditated, maybe, is closer to the right word.  Everything studied, identified, labeled, and understood.  The motions are set out for us, and we go through them mindlessly.  Here we are, going to church every Sunday, where we say this prayer and sing that song and we hear a message in 14 minutes and 59 seconds or less, we shake hands, and we go about having another Presbyterian Sunday.  All of the thinking, feeling, and praying is set out for us, which - for me - strips the experience of faith down to mere words in the bulletin.

That's not to say that there isn't variance.  It's not boring.  It's very pleasant.  But for me, my faith as practiced in the Presbyterian churches I've visited way feels very self-focused.  There's no impetus to take my own faith into my own hands.  There's no direct challenge - everything is set up in advance, so that the weekly practice of faith is as impersonal as possible.  Presbyterians won't press you or question you.  They respect you, where you are, in your own walk.  They let you do your thing.  For some, this is wonderful.  This is exactly what some people need.  And for centuries, it has worked for millions and millions of Christians.

For me, though, I don't want to be on my own.  Sunday, at the Episcopal church, we prayed for specific members, bishops, regional and national leaders, other churches in the area, other Christian denominations, and other churches across the country.  One by one, we took moments to pray for our leaders and our brethren in the (broader) faith.  Every Sunday, Episcopalians join in these prayers, and are led by a calendar.  Over the period of a month or a year, every congregant, every leader, every Christian denomination, all area churches, and hundreds or maybe thousands of churches receive specific, focused, deliberate prayer.  I nearly cried. 

In that moment, I realized how much I've missed that kind of deliberate approach to my faith, joined in effort by my congregation and my fellow believers.

Book Review: The Duggars - 20 and Counting!

Y'all know how I am a fan of the Duggars.  that's not to say that I agree with them 100% or would make the same decisions as they do.  They have their views and I have mine.  But I have a lot of respect for them and their choices (ps, they have 18 kids and they have never once received government assistance).

So, naturally, I was stoked to get my hands on a copy of Jim Bob and Michelle's book, The Duggars: 20 and Counting., which they wrote to give a closer look at their family and how they operate.  The book also has a bunch of photos, stories, and (yay!) family recipes.  Major topics include family history, including their business endeavors past and present; Jim Bob's political career; and a fantastic explanation of their systems and organization.  I found most helpful Michelle's detailed section on packing for a move/organizing storage.

A lot of the content is geared toward clearing up misconceptions and explaining their worldview - and this is why I love them - without judgment or condemnation.  Yes, they are conservative Christians, and yes they are extremely frugal and yes, they homeschool, but they take the position that their policies are what work for them, and they don't ever get preachy or arrogant.  A lot of people, for example, think they must have a ton of money.  The truth is, Jim Bob is a fantastic entrepreneur and they are both extremely frugal.  They are committed to a debt-free life, and they're prepared to accept the consequences of that.  It took them years to be able to save up for the house they currently own, and it took more years to get it completely outfitted.  Did you realize, for example, that they were in their house for more than a year before installing air conditioning?  I certainly didn't.  

I hear a lot of people criticize them for having too many kids, and how could it be possible that they were spending enough individual quality time with each child.  Well, I don't know about everybody, but I know that spending gobs of quality time every single day doesn't happen in most families, no matter how many kids there are.  And each parent does spend quality time with each of their children - moreso than a lot of parents do with their kids, I'd wager.  So I don't think that's a valid complaint.

Michelle and Jim Bob have made a concerted effort to teach their children discipline, character, and life skills.  They want each of their kids to grow up to become productive members of society, with the skills and know-how to succeed.  Whether you agree with their decisions or not, you can't miss the benefits of their commitment to God and to their family.

a prayer for you, my friend

Things are shaking around us.  People are snapping.  Money has come into hyper-focus.  Am I the only one on negativity overload?  Read this, and breathe.  You, I, we, will get through this.  Have faith.

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that
has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

(St. Theresa)

when to give, when to take back?

From 3rd to 8th grade I went to a private school run through my church. Part of this meant I had a uniform, and part of the uniform could include a school sweatshirt.

I have never been one to check the weather - unless, of course, we are in a heat wave, and I am obsessing over the exact moment in time at which point the heat index might fall BELOW a hundred degrees... But for the most part, I base my clothing decisions each morning on how the weather was the day before, and then learn about the weather as it occurs around me. And I've always been this way. And it doesn't always work out nicely. And I never learn!

The first memory I have about being dressed-appropriately-challenged was during one winter while I was in middle school. It was somewhere between fall and winter, and we were outside at recess. Most of the girls were standing in a circle trying to decide what game to play. I had on a short-sleeved shirt, and after a few minutes of deliberation I was shivering. One of my friends offered me her sweatshirt, but she said that once she got cold, she'd want it back. I gratefully accepted.

A few minutes later, she made good on our deal, and asked for it back. I returned it to her, and she went on her merry way.

This might have been an unusual situation for kids growing up in the south. It's not uncommon for kids to pay no attention to the weather when they're dressing - that's not what I'm referring to. What I'm struck by is her deep-rooted inclination to take care of herself, in direct opposition to our southern upbringing. Southern women, and maybe Christian women (at least the more conservative and/or evangelical breeds) in general, do whatever it takes to make the people around them feel comfortable, even if it means suffering some discomfort themselves. It's a typical woman thing, typical woman thing, to do. We put ourselves last. You know how it goes.

So how did she, a self-assured 11-ish-year-old, not succumb? What did her parents do right to instill a healthy sense of self-love? And what can I do to encourage this same practice in myself?

more duggars

A little while ago, there was another buzz from America's most famous large family, the Duggars.  Two buzzes, actually.  

One is that Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar - mom and dad - are expecting baby #18 - a girl.  The other is that Joshua Duggar, baby #1, got married.  Their new daughter-in-law looks like a sweetie, and is of course pretty conservative, judging from their wedding photos.

I don't like to comment on the Duggars and their lifestyle.  The way I see it, if they want to have 18 kids, and they are able to support their family while doing so (they live DEBT FREE) and their kids aren't menaces to society, then more power to them.  They aren't pushy with their faith (I've never seen or heard them addressing other people - just themselves and their own convictions), they live responsible lifestyles (did you see the part where they live debt free?), and they're raising productive members of society.  You can learn more about them here.

Some people question the real parenting that they could be doing - with that many kids, how do any of them get quality time - but I don't think that's an issue.  Their kids are good kids, so they're doing something right.  They're well-dressed, well-fed, they study every day and each one plays an instrument.  Home schooling is not a choice that everyone would make, but again...it's working for them.  Who am I to judge?

I like this family, a lot.  I wouldn't make a lot of the same choices they do, but they strike me as good, salt-of-the earth people.  They aren't wasteful, they don't try to push their views on other people, they don't condemn folks who don't agree with them - they just disagree.

I think that if more folks took a page from their book, the world might be a little bit better of a place.  

But maybe with birth control allowed.

about that book thing

Ok, so, maybe I'm a couple days late with that update that I promised last Saturday, but whatever.  Updating now.  

I tried finishing off the Feast of Love, but I couldn't really get into it, so I'm shelving it.  I finished North Haven in a couple of days, no surprise there.  PS, very cute, the end made me cry (in a good way) and all that. 

I'm now working my way through the next book on the syllabus, called the Monk Upstairs, by Tim Farrington.  Apparently this is a sequel, but I haven't read the first book.  

I'm really liking it so far, because it some ways it reminds me a little bit of Brian and me.  I'm not a lapsed Catholic and he is far from monkish, but when it comes to our spirituality, he (being a Presbyterian) is much more contemplative than I (being a recovering evangelical) am.  

One of the things I am enjoying learning about the Presbyterian way of doing things is the way that every move is carefully considered, and there is a heavy theological emphasis on discerning God's will, and taking as much time as is needed to do so.  When 'the Presbyterian thing' is done the right way, it's really remarkable and very admirable.  There aren't many places in today's hustle and bustle that emphasize such careful consideration.  

(Then again, sometimes there aren't many places more prone to stifling change and growth.  It's all about using tools the right way.)

So, all that to say, I'm liking the book so far.  Farrington's writing style is right up my alley (sparse, insightful, and full of simile and metaphor) and I sometimes feel as though I'm peering at extreme versions of my husband and me.  So, beyond enjoying the story and the writing, I'm liking the personal connection I feel.

Have you ever read a book that instantly reminded of you, or a version of yourself or your life?  What did you hope to learn?  What did you end up learning?

babies Rn't us

My husband and I want to start a family, but not any time soon. (My new employer is not saddened by this fact.) He's still in school and we might have some big changes on the horizon. The timing isn't right. And gosh darn it, we're newlyweds! Good thing our families aren't rushing us....altho I'm sure they'd be thrilled...or at least most of them would be. I'm not sure my dad is quite ready to be a grandpa yet, not that that would hold him back any...


We employ a preventative method or two, and I try to keep aware of the calendar, so I'm not too worried. Nothing is 100% effective, though, so I'm prone to being a little bit anxious from time to time. Especially now. We are not in a good place for kids, not yet.


I, personally, have always been afraid of having a baby. Part of the reason I embraced abstinence before married was because I was dead terrified of ever having to tell my family I was having a baby. Terrified.


In the environment I grew up in, unwed mothers were derelects, caused shame for their families, deserved to be criticized and their families should grieve. Girls in my church who got pregnant were supported, once they 'confessed' to the church body. They would stand up, usually with their families and close friends, say what was going on, say their plans, and we as a church would commit to supporting them. A lot of people in the church didn't like this. Some people thought we were TOO supportive.


By the time I'd developed a mind of my own and didn't necessarily buy into the whole 'don't have sex because God says so' mandates all around me, I was old enough to appreciate the smarts of not having sex until I was in a position to be able to handle it. IE, married, husband working, enough money for me to stay at home, stable life. So I waited. And that was smart. And I'm proud of myself for waiting.


I know the vast majority of people wouldn't, and don't, make the same decision. I hope my kids will. I haven't quite figured out how to teach them this, and I don't plan on raising kids in an aggressively evangelical environment. I don't want my kids to be taught that modern science is out to get them, that the world is a dangerous place, and that we need to be constantly on the defensive. The messages really hit home with me...but I wasn't your average kid. I took everything to heart and believed it fervently. I'm old enough now to recognize the wisdom in what I was taught, but not respect the method in which it was delivered.


Having a healthy skepticism is good. Avoiding things that are dangerous and destructive is good. Living as the best you can be is good. Knowing who you are and why you are that way is good. Avoiding the pain and drama that sex brings is good. It was perhaps the best decision I ever made.


But writing off heaps of modern science is ridiculous - It took me getting to IB Higher Level Chem in high school to acknowledge that acid rain can and does exist. Vowing to exclude myself from the mainstream because 'drugs and alcohol were everywhere, and that's bad' led me to being judgmental and solitary, and relatively friendless, with huge misgivings about peers who didn't necessarily deserve that. Studying the Bible and learning about my faith and trying to find practical applications was a very good thing - and it helps when people ask you about your faith and you can respond and discuss it without being too theological or doctrinal or dogmatic - but approaching the world as a scary, harmful place that you need to defend yourself from is NOT a good way to live. You're operating out of criticism, judgment, and ignorance, instead of out of acceptance and love.


Growing up, I was taught to embrace what was right, and reject what was not. I wasn't taught how to filter this modus operandi. I never learned to coexist peacefully with my surroundings. I spent so much time judging and condemning and protecting myself that I missed out on a lot of fantastic opportunities to reach OUT with God's love and embrace people, real people, average people.


I was taught that there is always a right and always a wrong and that the Bible is definitive. Now, don't get me wrong. I love the Bible. And it's pretty definitive about some things. But a lot of things are not quite as black-and-white as some folks had me believe. I do believe in absolutes, in truth, in right and wrong. I am not a relativist by any stretch. I am very comfortable with rules and standards and merit. More recently, though, I'm about using my own head.


Not everything is black and white. There's more than one way to make a pie. There's more than one way to wash dishes. And there's more than one way to make a family.

I've been reading this blog on Glamour Magazine's website. I know...Glamour isn't really my scene ... but this particular blog has really captured my attention. It's written by a woman who found herself pregnant at 26. The dad was her boyfriend, and they were committed, but not THAT committed. And he was not interested in being a part of what she calls 'Team Baby.' So she informed her parents and then moved home for a little while to get her new life together. Her folks seemed to get on board pretty fast (and actually were quite unhappy when she got her own place a couple months before the baby was born) and she has a really supportive network of family and friends.

She seems like a pretty tough cookie. She's had a lot of criticism and no shortage of hard times. But she's determined to be the best she can, and she doesn't seem to have succumbed to victimizing herself and agonizing (too much) about her situation. She's up front about saying she was stupid for not using a condom. Now she's making a good life for herself and her son. She's happy now, and I say, good for her.


Her circumstance isn't ideal. It's not what she envisioned. She doesn't have the husband she thought she'd have by now and she doesn't party it up in the City, either. But she loves her son, and she loves having him in her life. She made a mistake. A big one. It changed her life forever, and will always impact her son's life as well. So...what then? Does she deserve to be condemned? Should she be criticized and judged and rejected? Is she wrong?


What about me? Would I be wrong for having a baby now? Because even though I'm married now, it would be disastrous. Suddenly, because I have a husband and a wedding band, it would be deemed acceptable in the eyes of God...and God's people.... Even tho the kid would spend the first part of its life in a low-income home with me shipping it off to daycare because I had to work and Brian would be troubled either because he would be finishing his last year of school and thus not working to support his new family, or he'd be prolonging his education for the sake of working - a scenario that we both know would not be conducive to good mental health for either of us. But because we're married, baby = fantastic news and celebration?


To be honest, I'm scared of having kids. I'm scared of the responsibility, of the time commitment, of the distinct lack of sleep-in mornings. I'm scared of the money-sucking aspect. I'm scared of tantrums and choking and SIDS. I'm scared of the heartache. I'm scared I won't be able to keep up. I'm scared of being invisible.

In other words, I am not in the position to have a kid. But folks who criticize unwed mothers, babies out of wedlock, blah blah blah, wouldn't bat an eye at me. Even when a lot of these women are in much better positions to care for a child than I am. But because I say a vow in a church that I'll love my husband forever, I am passed over by the critics?

We, as Christians, should be showing God's LOVE, not speaking judgment on his behalf. Having a baby when you aren't ready is SCARY, husband or not. What better time is there to swoop in and show compassion and love? Why do so many Christians get it so wrong?

I could go on forever...oh wait, I'm already halfway there! Many props to anyone who read this far...you are the true trekkers. Either that, or you are THAT BORED. Either way, high fives! I have a feeling this won't be my last musings on the subjects of 'good families' and 'Christians who screw it up.' No shortage of opinions here!!