In my line-a-day journal, I usually record the key points of the day. As I was reading through the day's entry from last year, I found the turning point in my stance on my marriage. I'd forgotten this moment -- something I could hardly believe after I read about it and then remembered. There was something inexplicable that my ex had done -- it was shocking and seemingly came out of nowhere and flew in complete contrast to the man he'd been before (and likely was also inconsistent with the man he presented himself as being).
Something in me broke, that moment. I knew he was different, and not in a good way, and I knew I needed to get away from him. I was stuck in a bog, sinking in quicksand, and I needed to escape the internal chaos and find some semblance of peace. Not long after, I asked my mom for a plane ticket to get me (and the baby) out of Denver for a few weeks, to clear my head and figure out exactly how to proceed. And by the time that month away was over, our marriage was over and I had two weeks to collect my things and find a new home.
That one little moment was hugely significant. I don't know how I ever forgot about it, but now that I've been reminded, it's not far from my consciousness. Maybe this isn't terribly uncommon, to block out the one thing that tips the scales and never think of it again. Or maybe most people actively remember the last straw, the specific moment when everything shifted.