12.04.2008

I got the blues

Do you ever go through periods of time where you find yourself avoiding any activity that requires you to admit to the terrible reality that has become your daily life?  Well, that's me, right now.  You may have noted a distinct lack of 'what's going on with me' posts in the past while.  This is because there is a giant elephant in the room that I don't think I could avoid in any kind of real discourse regarding my current daily life.

What do you do when there is something going on in your life that taints everything else?  My 'thing' is shifting the scales.  Things that normally would make me happy seem small in light of the great big UNhappy thing.  Even though some things - a lot of things, actually - are going well, motivation to muscle through the yuck and move on is severely lacking.  

As a result, my immediate circumstances are going downhill.  I'm behind on the laundry, the shopping, cleaning the dishes (from when we manage to cook), and I'm sleeping less, fighting off (and succumbing to) a long-term cold, dealing with an unhappy digestive system with a shifting appetite, not drinking enough water, and (surprise) gaining weight.  My knitting has dropped off, I'm tired of reading light, mindless stuff but anything of substance feels overbearing, I've dropped the ball on tracking the family finances (thank God for online billpay).  The car is a mess, not to mention somewhat duct-taped together.  The dog is neurotic from all the boxes and whatnot all over the house.  My to-do lists at home and at work are getting longer, never shorter, almost to the point of being overwhelming.

I am stuck in a big fat hairy RUT, and it sucks, and there's not much I can do about it right now, and that sucks too.  I feel like an underdog, but without an awesome quarterback or a slingshot or anything else useful like a deadline.  

I don't know why I keep finding my way into a bog.  I'm so worn.  I'm so ready to be content and get out from under the dark cloud that won't seem to turn me loose.  I have so much to enjoy around me - so much to be thankful for and to revel in, every day, and I know I'm missing out on all of it.  This makes me crazy. The end of my wits is nigh.


What do YOU do to rescue yourself from an awful rut?  Or, what do you do to avoid getting into ruts in the first place?

2 comments:

  1. I have an elephant myself, so I know exactly how you feel - I haven't updated mine since...the eleventh of last month, right before Mr. Pachyderm stuck his trunk out and tripped me right up.
    I'm not sure about how to get out of the rut, other than just to get through each day and reassure myself that it can't suck forever. How's that for a life plan?

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  2. I'm so sorry. That's what I want to say first, because I know how terrible it feels to be in that dark place.

    Second, I get there a lot. In fact, I spend a LARGE amount of my life in that place. It's why I haven't updated my blog in a while.

    Third, here's how I handle it (I'm not at all offended if you completely ignore my method, fyi):

    a. Find something that requires very little money but that will soothe your soul and then revel in it. I tend to go to a dollar theater for a movie, or to write a long long letter to someone and not mail it. Sometimes I bake cookies and give them away because it helps my heart to bake AND it helps to make someone else happy so that's a win-win.

    b. Try to be in the moment when you do whatever is your "a." thing. Don't think about your elephant. Don't think about lists. Don't think about your car. Just think about your happy thing for that hour or two.

    c. Immediately after your happy thing, while you're still feeling soothed, sit down at a table and make a complete, honest list of absolutely everything weighing on your mind. Everything. Down to mold on the grout of your shower (just an example commonly on my list).

    d. Figure out what you CAN do something about. Laundry is typically the first thing I do and cross of my list.

    e. Brag about getting something off your list. I often call a friend to say something like "Guess who cleaned the dust off the top of her ceiling fan blades? ME!!!" Feel free to call me about anything on your list. I will be suitably supportive of your accomplishment.

    f. repeat the entire process as necessary. I can sometimes get three or four things of the list before I go back to part a. But sometimes I have to do something nice (long walk outside in sunshine, really hot shower, etc.) between each item on the list. The nice thing is that every time you go back to the first step, you get to make a new list. And the list usually gets shorter each time!

    Another good option is to win the lottery and hire someone to fix everything. It hasn't worked out for me yet, but I feel like the day will come.

    <3

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