desiderata

I remember very few things from high school.  High school wasn't an especially great time for me, and I've tried to retain only the best stuff.  You know, stories about the crazy English teacher who had a cleft palate and who danced around the room singing a poem about necrophilia. And the creepy chemistry teacher who once got mugged in New York or some other big city (this was Charlotte, y'all) and he offered the guys his wallet, his watch, and everything else if they would just let him keep his UNC class ring (can't blame him!! Go Heels!!).  And the Spanish teacher who made us do all kinds of skits and plays.   And the history teacher who played the Stones and the Spoonfuls and other glories of the 60s during our tests....we never did figure out his political affiliation - we all just suspected that it is not exactly mainstream.  I was in IB, which meant that I had approx. 18 classmates for most of high school, and I'm sure every single one of them could figure out the folks I've named.

There are some lesser-known or lesser-remembered things, though.  Like, for example, my high school boyfriend, who kissed like a fish.  And the creepy guy who was a friend-of-a-friend who hovered behind me making threatening sexual comments while I was walking down the hall (he was expelled shortly thereafter, because he was smart enough to do this to a couple of girls, and within earshot of a male teacher).   And the girl who died in a car wreck at the end of senior year, resulting in the implosion of the first real network of friends that I'd been able to develop in my four years there.  Having a meltdown in the middle of Calc II at the whisper of "Sarah Lawrence" when no one else in the room even knew her was not my shining moment.  Oh, or the time freshman year when I turned in my 6-page SINGLE spaced paper.  In my defense, nowhere in the directions did it say 'double spaced' and I had not been in the public school system long enough to assume double spacing in a writing assignment.

One of my fondest memories from high school was our 9th grade English teacher, Mrs. Hagler.  She called us all her cherubs and she was the sweetest thing.   That 6-page paper?  Yup, first major writing assignment for her.  One of the things she taught us was that there are 2 kinds of students - those who know what to do with a door, and those who don't.  What I mean is this:  she was giving us an open-ended assignment.  And then she explained that some of us could take it and run.  She could say to these students, "there's a door," and they would know exactly what to do.  There were others of us, though, who would hear the words "there's a door," and would be stumped.  We would need instruction.  

I am firmly implanted in the camp of the latter, in case you were wondering.

One of the other things Mrs. Hagler gave me was the Desiderata.  I'd never seen or heard of it before, but she had it on a giant poster in her classroom and I read it all the time.  At one point, I had it memorized, just because I'd read it so much.  I was reminded of the Desiderata not long ago, so I thought I would share it with all of you.  

Merry Christmas.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

--- Max Ehrmann, 1927-

Manic Monday #147

If you were at a friend’s house for a holiday dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do?

Cry.  Probably wail, in fact.  Then run to the kitchen, or some other room, wait for the hostess to dig me out of the corner I was cowering in, and then try to get the words out without having a stroke, all the while feeling extremely guilty that I couldn't just keep it to myself.

If you could put anyone you know on Prozac, who would you choose?

Not sure about this one.  Maybe my brother's dog.

How do you feel about public displays of affection?

Holding hands is ok....otherwise, get a room!  Unless it's your freaking wedding day, nobody wants to see you making out.

Christmas at our place

I thought I'd share a few pictures of the way I've been able to 'do up' the place.  We're on a tight budget, as usual, so there isn't anything fancy going on, but it does feel like Christmas, none-the-less.  At least, it does in one room...

We don't have a fireplace or a mantle, but we do have book shelves!  One got the stockings - don't ask me why we have 5 stockings for 2 people and a dog.  We got the NOEL blocks last year on a post-holiday clearance.

Behind the E is an old-fashioned Hershey's candy jar.  I don't know if it itself is an antique, though.  It came from my grandpa's house, in Hershey, PA - I think he gave it to me because he was tired of looking at it.

Next door to the stocking bookcase is the rest of the Christmas stuff that most people put on doors or on top of their mantles or somewhere else.  For us, these include Christmas cards, a tree topper that doesn't top very well but is still awesome, my "Dr. Seuss" Christmas tree hailing back to my single-gal post-grad days that I did up with neon pink disco balls, and our new Advent calendar.  Next year we hope to add an Advent wreath.

We are North Carolina people, which means we are Real Tree people.  There is a family-operated garden/lawn shop in our neighborhood that sells North Carolina fraser firs every year.  We splurged on a real tree as broke newlyweds last year, and this year we returned, less broke but just as enthusiastic.

These are some of our favorite ornaments.  I got the idea for the 'zooming' toaster photo from this blog.  It felt good to do something new for a change, and get to know the camera a little bit better.

christmas "break"

There is a lot going around in the blogs I frequent about having a simple, scaled-back holiday.  This is a notion that I love, and must do because we don't have much funding for anything blown out, but I think I'm still missing out on something - the part where relaxation happens.  The time when you sit back as a family and enjoy each others' company.

When you come from a divorced home, and your parents have lives in separate places, navigating the holidays can be somewhat tricky.  When I was on my own, it was pretty easy - Christmas at one place, Thanksgiving somewhere else.  I as based in NC so most of my holidays were spent there.  Sometimes I'd go to PA for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  But it was relatively easy and there wasn't a ton of trouble in the planning.

Now I've got 2 more families, and another set of feelings, to consider.  Brian's parents live a couple of hours south of my mom.  And then there's the whole, 'oh yeah I'm married now, I guess we need some time together' thing.  Two more families.  And I am all about making "Brian+Me" have top billing - to the extent that it's possible, anyway.

Back when we were in school, Christmas break (or winter break, for the more PC of us) was a real break.  No school, no tests, no papers, no work - just a couple of weeks of nothing to do except attempt to live with our parents while avoiding as much conflict as possible.  Some folks would sit around and mope, some would reconnect with all the home-town friends, some would go places.

I spent my first two winters after school working AT a school, so for as long as the university was shut down, me no worky.  It was awesome.  It was like 'easing' into being a real-life grown up, in a way.  Some of my friends were in grad school, others worked for places that gave them a couple of days off, but they did have to report to work sometime between Christmas day and New Years Eve.  Pretty standard stuff.

Last year, my third post-school Christmas, I was unemployed, so I had like 6 weeks off for winter break.  Not so relaxing, because I spent the whole time being anxious about money and finding work and whatnot, but having the down-time was good because Brian wasn't in school either, and we didn't take a honeymoon until later. ___

This year, I'm working at a Christian nonprofit, and we are off from Dec. 24 through Jan. 1 (with the possibility of having Jan. 2 off, giving us another whole weekend).  Also a score of a deal, but here's my thing:

this year, the nice break will not end up being a break for me at all.  Or at least not much.  Because we have 3 families to visit, and they are spread across the Eastern seaboard, and we have about 6 days to see them all.

Granted, Christmas in Hershey PA will be pretty special, and I'll see relatives I haven't seen in a long time, and Brian will get to meet some cousins and whatnot who he hasn't met yet, which is also cool, and my little brother will get to hang out with his new brother-in-law who, by the way, is WAY cooler than me in a 13 year old boy's eyes, and whatnot.  But I am feeling bogged down by the sheer amount of travel and activity we are cramming into these days.  Big Christmas Eve party with the whole family in PA, 4 hours north.  Christmas dinner with another family in Chapel Hill NC, 7 hours south.  The next day, my brother goes to South Africa for a while.  The day after that, we are going to a wedding in Davidson, NC (2 more hours south), and the day after THAT, Brian is preaching in Charlotte (another hour south), and then the day after that, we are driving the 6 hours back home so that I can collapse and have barely enough time to recover before reporting back to the office. 

I keep getting a pit in my stomach, though.  Christmas isn't supposed to be some manic driving-spree that keeps you away from your own home so that you can traverse the interstates and get all your bases covered.  Family is supposed to be enjoyed all year round, and we do try to see each of our families as often as possible, so why is there so much pressure at this particular time of year to make an appearance?  Pinning everything on one holiday is too much pressure - especially on the newlyweds who are still figuring this thing out.

Manic Monday #146

From the Manic Monday site:

Have you ever returned an item to a store for a refund after having used it?

Not unless it was defunct....

You are going out for the evening. If your partner objects to what you are wearing, would you change your clothing?

Probably - I'm not too attached to what I wear, most days, so if he doesn't like it, then it's no biggie for me to go change.  I won't change if I like what I wear, though.

What item that you don’t currently possess would you most like to have in your home?

Wall-to-wall built-in book shelves.  For sure, most definitely.

Although a little less of everything and a little bit more of some good old-fashioned order would be nice... :)

Booking Through Thursday

Questions from the booking through thursday website:

1. Do you get to read as much as you WANT to read?

(I’m guessing #1 is an easy question for everyone?)

This is kind of a weird question for me.  I get almost as much time as I'd like to read.  Which isn't a whole lot.  My desire for reading right now has gone way down, because i just don't have the energy to devote.  I wish I wanted to read more, and feel the tension between reading enough and not reading enough, but I just don't right now.  Sad day!  I think I'm storing it up for our holiday travel coming up. Maybe I should ask Santa for some reading mojo, just in case.

2. If you had (magically) more time to read–what would you read? Something educational? Classic? Comfort Reading? Escapism?

I'd like to read a novel.  Anything too educational is also too heady.  

flaky white stuff

I think of three things when I hear the phrase 'flaky white stuff,' and in the following order:

1. Snow.  Incidentally, it snowed here on Saturday and that made me extremely happy.  Now will somebody please tell me what to do with this 70+ degree weather?

2. That deodorant commercial (Right Guard?) with some NBA star (Charles Barkley?) poking around some ruins (Pyramids of Egypt?) and talking about how important it is to him that his deodorant go on clear so that he can get it on with the hot explorer chick in the crypt. In this commercial, he bellows enthusiastically about this product leaving 'NO flaky white stuff.'

Incidentally, ever since that commercial, I have been obsessed with noticing people's underarms and their FWS status.

3. Dandruff. This is related to #1.

When I was younger, I had a really bad scalp. Actually, I had really bad everything. Hair, earwax, scalp, teeth, you name it. I had a bridge of freckles across my nose, tho, so it was all good. But my mom spent hours trying to improve all my issues, or at least contain them. Loads of goopy q-tips to solve the ear problems (this was back before q-tips were bad) and countless hours sitting on the floor with a fine-tooth comb trying to dig up all the crap off my scalp. Seriously. No seven-year-old wants to sit still for that long. I hated those times, and they were frequent. Mom would try to ameliorate the situation by showing me some of the giant clumps, but it didn't really help.

At some point, I grew up. Or at least I grew out of the bad scalp and hair issues. (The ears are under control too, by the way. No comment on the teeth thing, it's been shamefully long since I've been to a dentist.) I haven't thought about flaky scalps in years.

Until recently.

When the weather turned cold, I noticed all the moisture was sucked out of my face and hands pretty much immediately. Hand lotion came back in the primetime spotlight. This is the first year, though, that I've had a super-itchy scalp. I was sitting at work the other day and my whole head was itchy, itchy, itchy. And there's no easy way to scratch your head when you're on the phone with church ladies taking down notes about the church hierarchy without them knowing. Even on the phone, they know.

In one particularly agonizing moment, my hairline went crazy. And that's when I noticed.

Heavy, thick showers of flaky white stuff, falling right before my eyes.

I flew to the bathroom to check out the damage, and sure enough, my whole head was covered in specks of dead skin. I wanted to barf. I still kinda do.

It looks like the dry skin fairies hit me extra hard this year. I have a few tricks up my sleeve to keep the dandruff at bay, but there's not a whole lot I can do about the sense of dread I feel every time I think about my problem. My mind takes me straight back to the house I grew up in, with me sitting on the floor watching tv sideways, my mom scraping my scalp until I couldn't take it any longer.

Do you have any childhood experiences that still affect your feelings about something today, even though those situations are far removed from today's reality?